Internal Examination

I had lunch with a former intern on Thursday to catch up and offer her some career advice. She's one I particularly bonded with when she worked in my office a couple of years ago. During the lunch, the name of another former intern came up -- not one who worked with her but whom she knows because they went to the same college. I suddenly remembered that the other intern, with whom I was fairly close as well, had e-mailed me a couple of weeks ago and I never replied -- one of those "I'll get to it later" situations. So as soon as I got back to the office, I replied to his e-mail, mentioning that his name had come up at lunch. The next day I got an e-mail from my lunch companion saying that she had gotten a phone message from the other guy saying, "My spies tell me you were seen having lunch with [Billy]. Hands off -- he's MINE!"

I got a smile out of that. It's nice to be liked and respected! But lest you think I'm telling this story to brag about how popular I am, I should say that I'm popular with only some interns, and I carry a little shame about this -- not because I'm not universally beloved (who is?) but because I tend to bond mainly with those interns who make an active effort to connect with me, tucked away as I am in my corner office off the beaten track. To many, even most, interns, I suspect I'm a bit of a mystery: cordial enough, but quiet and unknowable. Perhaps even intimidating -- not by my actions (I'm always polite) but by the aforementioned ghostliness.

I'm not particularly proud of this trait. Why should they have to do all the work to get to know me? After all, aren't we older people there to teach them and make them comfortable in the professional world? It's something I'm aware of and sometimes try to combat . . . and sometimes don't.

In two past jobs, I was the guy who hired and supervised interns. At those times, I was a very involved and caring mentor -- a good boss. I really worked hard at it. Occasionally it was difficult not to become friends with interns. In fact, sometimes I did. When that happened, it could be a challenge to make them listen to me on the job when I'd been out drinking with them the night before. Of course, I was much closer in age to them than I am now. Even if I were still an intern supervisor, I don't think mixing social life with business would be as much of an issue.

I was once an intern myself, and I remember those staff members who went out of their way to connect with me. I also recall the mysterious figures -- the ones who slipped in and out of their offices, smiling or saying "hey" as they went by, but not much more. What were their lives like? Who did they talk to on the phone? What could I learn from them? What would it be like to be their friend?