What Real Life Looks Like
Today a twentysomething male coworker announced he'd gotten engaged. Actually, yesterday morning as I came into work, I walked past his office and saw him standing in the doorway looking as though he'd just made an announcement. A group of mostly female younger staffers and interns were gathered around making noises of approval and excitement, although I didn't catch anything specific and didn't want to pry, so I made like Dionne Warwick and walked on by. I thought, "Hmm, wonder if he got engaged." Well, today he sent an e-mail to the men of the office -- yes, really, just to us men -- sharing the news.
He's actually a very nice guy, one of the coolest people at work, the quintessential metrosexual (and take it from me, this is not an office of metrosexuals or homosexuals; he and I are pretty much it). We don't hang out or anything -- there's a substantial age difference, for one thing -- but we do exchange witty, sometimes acerbic e-mails, usually about work-related matters. We're definitely on the same wavelength about a lot of things, and e-mail is the main playing field on which we interact.
I sent a congratulatory note in reply, and he wrote back telling me a bit about how the proposal happened and saying he was excited about beginning "real life" with his fiancee.
Oh. Real life is it? What are you living now?
I didn't say that, of course. But I really hate that "married = real life" equation.
And to some people, married + kids = even realer life. I remember an older female colleague once declaring at the lunch table, "My life would have been much diminished if I hadn't had kids." I felt like saying, "How do you know? You had kids, and it worked out well for you. Great -- you made a good choice for yourself. But you can't possibly know your life would have been 'diminished' if you hadn't had them -- because that's not what happened. You'll never know what kind of rich, interesting, and generous life you might have created if you didn't have children."
And oh, by the way, thanks for the implication that anyone who chooses not to have kids -- not to mention anyone who is child-free by non-elective circumstance -- leads a lesser life.
What a narrow, presumptuous view of the world.
One last pet peeve: childless couples who talk about wanting to "start a family." A couple is a family, I always feel like saying. And just one kind at that.
Okay, here I'm getting into well-trod territory. I don't want to start spouting cliches. That would much diminish me.
It's time for me and my dogs to get to bed.
He's actually a very nice guy, one of the coolest people at work, the quintessential metrosexual (and take it from me, this is not an office of metrosexuals or homosexuals; he and I are pretty much it). We don't hang out or anything -- there's a substantial age difference, for one thing -- but we do exchange witty, sometimes acerbic e-mails, usually about work-related matters. We're definitely on the same wavelength about a lot of things, and e-mail is the main playing field on which we interact.
I sent a congratulatory note in reply, and he wrote back telling me a bit about how the proposal happened and saying he was excited about beginning "real life" with his fiancee.
Oh. Real life is it? What are you living now?
I didn't say that, of course. But I really hate that "married = real life" equation.
And to some people, married + kids = even realer life. I remember an older female colleague once declaring at the lunch table, "My life would have been much diminished if I hadn't had kids." I felt like saying, "How do you know? You had kids, and it worked out well for you. Great -- you made a good choice for yourself. But you can't possibly know your life would have been 'diminished' if you hadn't had them -- because that's not what happened. You'll never know what kind of rich, interesting, and generous life you might have created if you didn't have children."
And oh, by the way, thanks for the implication that anyone who chooses not to have kids -- not to mention anyone who is child-free by non-elective circumstance -- leads a lesser life.
What a narrow, presumptuous view of the world.
One last pet peeve: childless couples who talk about wanting to "start a family." A couple is a family, I always feel like saying. And just one kind at that.
Okay, here I'm getting into well-trod territory. I don't want to start spouting cliches. That would much diminish me.
It's time for me and my dogs to get to bed.
posted by Billy at 12:45 AM
4 Comments:
I couldn't agree more.
I'm almost 56, on my second marriage and have no kids. I never wanted to have children. I enjoy other peoples kids (in limited doses).
Nevertheless it is sometimes uncomfortable to exist in a world so centered around adults talking about their kids. At work it can occasionally make me an outcast of sorts. Add that to my being a teetotalling vegetarian in a world that predominantly eats meat and drinks alcohol. How great did I feel when my boss gave each of her staff bottles of wine and wine glasses for Christmas. I don't want to cause anyone to go to extra lengths for me and she thought these were great gifts, fine. I regifted mine.
I have never regretted not having children. I enjoy my life.
I raise my glass of orange juice to make a toast. Here's to alternatives!
well, someone is certainly putting the B into vuboq today ... and it's not me (for once)!!!
ha. you know I kid. ha. I wrote "kid." ha. I'm cracking myself up here. I should stop.
anyway, I know what you mean, and all those sorts of things are v. frustrating.
On a completely separate note, does the "1 comments" line on blogger bug the bejeezus out of you? I can't stand it. I wish they'd fix it. Urgh.
But I really hate that "married = real life" equation.
Me too. Well said.
Oh, and read this, you'll love it: The Childless Couple. It lists all the reasons I never got knocked up - hah!
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