"Remember When We Were Kids?"

I baked two kinds of muffins tonight: cranberry and cheddar. The cranberry are a regular recipe of mine. The cheese, from a different cookbook, I've never made before. They're just a variation on a basic recipe; you simply to add a third of a cup of shredded cheese to a regular sweet muffin recipe. That seemed like too much sugar to me -- I had in mind something more savory. So I halved the sugar and added a quarter teaspoon of crushed red pepper flakes.

I'm bringing the muffins to a meeting tomorrow morning with my three siblings at one sister's house. We're going to talk about some legal and financial matters pertaining to our 86- and 87-year-old parents. This isn't the first time we've talked about such matters, and we've seen our parents through many changes in their lives over the last five years, but this particular meeting feels like the beginning of a new chapter, and I'm nervous about how it will go.

My sisters and brother are very important to me, and I've long maintained that sibling relationships are one of the most underexplored relationships in literature and art. Here's my favorite scene from my favorite sibling movie, You Can Count on Me. Sammy is played by Laura Linney; Terry is Mark Ruffalo. The screenplay is by Kenneth Lonergan, also the director. One of the things I love most about the movie is that the key line, referred to at the end of this scene, is never actually uttered on screen, though it's clear what it is. It would have ruined the movie to speak it for our benefit.

SAMMY: What is gonna happen to you?
TERRY: Nothing too bad . . . But I gotta tell you, I know things didn't work out too well this time . . .
SAMMY: Well, Terry --
TERRY: . . . but it's always really good to know that wherever I am, whatever stupid shit I'm doing, you're back at my home, rooting for me.
SAMMY: I do root for you.
She starts crying, and looks down.
TERRY: Come on, Sammy. Everything's gonna be all right . . . Comparatively . . . And I'll be back this way . . .
SAMMY: I feel like I'm never gonna see you again . . . !
TERRY: Of course you will, Sammy. You never have to worry about that.
SAMMY: Please don't go till you know where you're going. Please . . . !
TERRY: I do know where I'm going. I'm going to Worcester and I'm gonna try to see that girl. And then depending on what happens there, I thought I'd try to see if there's any work for me out West. And if there is, I'm gonna head out there for the summer and try to make some money. And if there isn't, I'll figure something else out. Maybe I'll stay around the East. I don't know . . . I really liked it in Alaska. It was really beautiful. You just -- It made me feel good. And before things got so messed up I was doin' pretty well out there. Seriously. But I couldn't stay here long, Sammy: I don't want to live here. But I'm gonna stay in touch. And I'll be back. 'Cause I want to see you and I want to see Rudy. I'll come home for Christmas. How about that? We'll have Christmas together. (Pause) Come on, Sammy. You can trust me . . .
Still looking down, Sammy shakes her head, tears leaking down her cheeks.
TERRY: Come on, Sammy . . . Look at me . . . Look at me . . .
She looks at him.
TERRY: Hey, Sammy . . . Remember when we were kids, remember what we always used to say to each other . . . ? (Pause) Remember when we were kids?
SAMMY: Of course I do . . . !