Careful
You know how Oscar winners and Olympic gold medalists are always thanking their father or grandmother or best friend for making them believe "I could do anything I put my mind to"?
It occurs to me that I've never in my life, for one moment, thought I could do anything I put my mind to. I have no idea what that might feel like.
I accomplish goals, with limits. I take things only so far. I assume failure in many matters and don't even begin them. I'm usually surprised at my successes.
Not the makings of a very good Oscar speech.
It's possible to have done well in eighteen and a half years of school and feel this way. It's possible to have been loved and praised by your parents and feel this way. It's possible to have friends and lovers and people to whom you are, yes, a mentor and feel this way.
It's very hard, though, to achieve the things you've dreamed of, or imagined, and feel this way.
There are people for whom lack of confidence simply does not compute. You can see it in their faces, their inability to process the data. You learn not to go to them with your insecurity.
Doubt can be a killer. And precious.
It occurs to me that I've never in my life, for one moment, thought I could do anything I put my mind to. I have no idea what that might feel like.
I accomplish goals, with limits. I take things only so far. I assume failure in many matters and don't even begin them. I'm usually surprised at my successes.
Not the makings of a very good Oscar speech.
It's possible to have done well in eighteen and a half years of school and feel this way. It's possible to have been loved and praised by your parents and feel this way. It's possible to have friends and lovers and people to whom you are, yes, a mentor and feel this way.
It's very hard, though, to achieve the things you've dreamed of, or imagined, and feel this way.
There are people for whom lack of confidence simply does not compute. You can see it in their faces, their inability to process the data. You learn not to go to them with your insecurity.
Doubt can be a killer. And precious.
Frederic Church, "Twilight in the Wilderness," 1860
posted by Billy at 9:50 PM
3 Comments:
I am riddled with insecurity. Even my successes I analyse over and over agin, not sure that they really happened. I find that most people are irritated if you try to express these things. So, I don't ... except in my writing.
That painting is gorgeous. My heart knows its colours and lines. Beautiful.
i liked cyndi lauper's thank you at the grammies when she thanked her grandparents who had her parents who, in turn, had her. it was quite cute. then again, so's she. :)
i take failures as are my due, successes and praise i have a whole lot more trouble with. it's far easier to give credit to other than to take credit myself.
more people than not are plagued by the cautious approach. we're mostly risk averse, play it safe and let opportunity go. what are we afraid of?
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