Dinner With Friends

Friday evening, a very pleasant dinner with R, J, and K.

A telling fact about my life in the last four years is that I met each of these men online, in one fashion or another. I've known R the longest, almost four years. I made J's acquaintance several months later. Those two eventually met through me and became friendly. I chatted with K off and on for a couple of years before we finally met face to face a year or so ago. Somewhere in there, R and I realized that -- unbeknownst to either of us until then -- we both were online buddies of K. So not long after I met K in the brick-and-mortar world, he and R and I got together. Friday night was the first time J had met K, but they seemed to get along well. Many laughs and fun stories -- the kind of evening I haven't had enough of lately.

I have almost nothing but good things to say about the ability of the Internet to bring people together socially -- in fact, speaking from my own post-LTR experience, to essentially create a new social life for me.

In addition to the circle I just mentioned, there's B, whom I met online and who got me back into two-stepping a year and a half ago ("back into" because I'd tried it before, but he made it stick). B and I haven't seen a lot of each other lately, but I consider him a friend . . . and should give him a call this week, come to think of it. Next Sunday, I'm having brunch with D -- whom I met online and dated for several months in 2005 -- and his current boyfriend, whom he just moved in with.

These are all witty, interesting, engaged, kind men I feel lucky to know. And this isn't even counting the friends and acquaintances I've met through them.

I used to meet people without the help of the Internet . . . but I can barely remember how.

The middle-aged (and above) married people I work with* will sometimes make a comment along the lines of "So I guess the Internet has replaced personal ads for young people today, huh?" or (addressing a young person) "So do you and your friends instant-message each other a lot?" or "Why in the world would anyone want to share his personal life with complete strangers the way bloggers do?" And everyone will kind of shake their heads or half-smile in the middle-aged equivalent of "What-ever!"

Meanwhile I sit there, my life a mystery to them, I'm sure. They have no idea that a 45-year-old man in their midst makes use of the Internet to meet people, to chat, to blog -- to create many kinds of joyful, stimulating, life-affirming relationships, both virtual and in the flesh.

I kind of like the mystery. It makes me feel young.
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* By the way, despite my slight snarkiness here, my attitude toward my workplace has undergone a sea change since I started my new job a few weeks ago. For the first time in years, I don't dread going into the office. I'm busy and often under stress, but it's task-related stress, not the psychological kind that I bring home with me and that takes up residence in both my muscles and my self-esteem. I'm more relaxed at work, more involved, more sociable -- happier by miles. Why didn't I do this ages ago?